Top 10 Ways For The Pirates To Think Outside the Diamond

The Pittsburgh Pirates hired Dr. Bernie Holliday as a “Personal Development Coordinator.” As such, he’ll help players with the mental wellness.  The newly created position is an example o the Pittsburgh Pirates thinking outside the box for new ways to compete.

As such, here are ten more suggestions that can help the Pirates gain revenue, drum up publicity, and make them a better organization:

10. Hire actual pirates to rape and pillage competitors.

9. Give players the option of telecommuting one game per series.

8. Team bake sale to raise money for that third-tier free agent outfielder that will be traded in July.

7. Create outrageous storylines for players and management and market it as “Sports Entertainment”

6. Send Jason Alexander (as George Costanza) to Cuba as a Pirates ambassador to gain an inside track on signing Cuban players.

5. Make one or both of the Indian minor league pitchers the next “Bachelor” to bring their reality TV career full circle.

4. Hope the world ends in 2012 and every MLB team has to start from scratch.

3. Nuttings combine two enterprises into one and make PNC Seven Springs Park, a baseball/ski resort.

2.  Create Avatars with 110 mph fastball and high on-base percentage.

1. Allow NBC executives to develop Pirates late night and primetime programming.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/07/01/ap/sportsline/main5127266.shtml

Baseball player = Hot hooker

While watching the American pastime the other day, the ESPN Color analyst used a rather unorthodox description of Detroit Tigers DH Marcus Thames’s run scoring double in the 7th inning.  Video Below:

Maybe the announcer was preoccupied with his pre-game activities from the night before, or he knows something Marcus Thames that we don’t.  I’ll personally hope for the latter, as the thought of Thames parading around downtown Detroit in a pleather jumpsuit like the Trannies on Santa Monica and Highland next to the Donut Time.