Twitter Follower #300 Contest Winner: @jules4119

What a picture of me and @jules4119 might look like.

In a blatant attempt to get more Twitter followers, I announced a contest stating that follower number 300 would receive a prize.  I take announcements seriously, so giving the winner something frivolous was out of the question.

Winning something so important deserves a prize that can be cherished for a lifetime.  According to De Beer’s website, two things last forever:  Diamonds and Blogs.  Since diamonds can be purchased by anyone and I control what comes out of my brain, the only logical thing to do was write an entry dedicated to the winner.

Juliana (@jules4119) is a lovely human being.  I’ve known her for years, though not very well.  Her brother was in my graduating class at Thomas Jefferson High school, but she was a few years younger than us.

She might have been someone who faded from my memory over the years, if not for one occasion that still makes me laugh when it comes to mind.

Juliana was a frequent moviegoer at Carmike Cinemas Southland 9 in Pleasant Hills, Pennsylvania, where I worked for several years as a teenager.  One day she came to the theater and saw a friend of hers working at the ticket counter.

She walked up and started to peek her head over the counter to say something.  Unfortunately, she didn’t see the plate glass barrier and smacked her face right into it.  She wasn’t injured, so it was OK to laugh, and laugh I did.  It was one of the comedic highlights of my teenage life, and I have her to thank.

Congratulations to Juliana, my 300th follower.

As one last gift, here’s a haiku about our contest winner:

Juliana won
The greatest contest ever
Plate glass windows hurt

Do yourselves a favor and follow her on Twitter.  While you’re at it, follow me on Twitter @muldo.  If I have another contest, the next winner might be YOU!

 

 

Hard day at the office

During my time working for an unnamed cable network, I’ve had many moments where I’ve paused and asked “is this really my life?”  None moreso than today.

I started my day by watching “Cheaters,” which has entered my list of top ten greatest shows in the history of television.  It’s the perfect storm of comedy, violence, mystery, and suspense.  They feature the trashiest people Texas has to offer, and the voice over writing is top notch.

For instance, in one episode they were following an extremely fat bitch as she cheated on her boyfriend.  The show had to throw in obligatory weight jokes, of course.  The narration:  “Then, the couple stopped off for super-sized grinders at a sandwich shop.  After she made quick work of her sandwich…”

There’s always a terrific payoff, when the cheater gets caught in a random location with the other person.  The cheater always denies it, even as the camera crew surrounds them and Joey Greco reveals they were being followed.  The next response is shock at how their significant other would DARE involve a television show in their private lives, yet their face isnt blurred so they obviously signed a release granting permission that their private lives be featured on said show.

After finishing up with this gem, the next thing on my to-do list was watching a Spring Break wet t-shirt contest and a sexual positions contest. Both of which involved women exposing their breasts and kissing other women.  Most workplaces fire you for looking at this kind of content, but for me, it’s required viewing, and a test to keep myself in check.  It’s tough to not get a chuckle of excitment out of this, as I am only human.  Though I’m watching nudity, there is a female coworker five feet away from me who can see my monitor. 

In an act of what must’ve been divine intervention, the internet radio station I was listening to rebooted and went to the All-Christmas channel.  So as I’m watching two 19-year-old girls from the University of Missouri grind on each other with exposed nipples, Bing Crosby’s rendition of “Away in a Manger” was the audio backdrop.  Nothing could have done a better job of killing the mood.

I took it as a reminder to be more pious and complied by moving on to the more family friendly Naked Bungee Jumping.

Hopefully my workload tomorrow wont be as stiff.