I was at a Mexican restaurant in Sylmar after a round of disc golf a couple weeks ago and came upon the greatest hairstyle in the history of mankind. Or humankind if you’d like me to be more politically correct. Though I always hate when people say humankind since the traditional meaning of “mankind” factors in both sexes, so saying humankind is just a bunch of bullshit.
Anyways, the woman was face to face with me, and the true scope of her wondrous hair was not realized until she turned sideways to feed her child. Upon doing so, this is what I witnessed:
Turned sideways, her giant, wave-breaking-on-the-shore curl was exposed. Many thoughts ran through my head concerning how she got her hair to curl that way. Beer can? Tree stump? Her husband’s girthy genitalia?
I hope for it being the result of hair-banging her better-half, but my practical side says she did it with an empty Coors Light. Either way, I’ll appreciate this woman’s avant-garde approach to hairstyle innovations and think of her the next time I body surf.
What I will look like in 20 years if I continue to frolf.
There are three traits that, from a young age, I’ve associated with leading an unproductive life: Wearing sweatpants outside of your home, not keeping pubic hair groomed, and playing Frisbee golf. The first two have been traits of mine for quite some time, and have been entrenched deeper into my lifestyle due to recent professional woes. Now, the last criterion has become my new favorite pastime.
My fellow unemployed friend Sam suggested we go “frolfing” last week, and as an out of work man with no prospects on the horizon, I joined him. Two other jobless comrades joined us, making it a foursome of people with little hope and a lot of time on their hands.
What started out as a lark ended up being an enjoyable afternoon. Things quickly turned competitive as we learned the ins and outs of disc golf. It was also obvious to any experienced frolfer that we had no idea what the hell we were doing. We frequently lost our frisbees, and passed over two holes without even knowing.
I emerged victorious, because if there’s an activity that’s meaningless and guaranteed to not bring me any income or make me a useful part of society, you can count on me being good at it.
We’ve already planned another frolf outing. And why not? It’s a no-brainer. It’s free (other than the cost of the Frisbee,) it’s exercise, and it’s not crowded in the middle of the day since most people have jobs.
With the unemployment rate hovering nationally around 10%, it’s surprising that more people haven’t taken up this game. While we were playing, only three other people were on the course. A hippie couple, which is not surprising since hippies rarely have jobs, and a young man who seemed to be of college age. He was alone and most likely keeping it a secret from friends and family due to the stigma attached to frolfing.
So if you’re out of a job and looking for an activity that will prevent you from getting laid, try frolf. You won’t regret it. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up the guy in the video below and will be able to throw a hole in one.
I don’t know what is more outstanding: The fact that this man has 237 holes in one, or that he’s only a man and not a god.
Either way, I doubt he’s getting laid much.
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