A Halloween Dilemma
A browsing session through a Halloween store last night brought me to a display case that was like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. After years of searching and coming up empty, I’ve finally had the pleasure of seeing a plethora of real merkins, up close and personal. It also made me briefly consider changing my costume from Chynna Phillips to something involving the pubic wig.
It was impossible to contain my excitement, and when my eyes met with the bundles of hair, words stoutly poured from my mouth
“Look, they have merkins here! Awesome!”
The three people within ear shot tried to ignore me, though I noticed the confusion in their eyes. If only I had two minutes to explain, they’d be equally excited. It wasn’t to be, though, and the surrounding people cautiously moved to another section of the store.
The merkins were, logically, located next to the mustaches, though one could use the mustache shaped merkins that would make your junk look something like Groucho Marx if you flipped his head upside down and disregard the lazy eye.
Since this was a higher end costume shop, they have both human and Yak hair. I never bothered to ask a salesperson which was more expensive, though venturing a guess, I’d say the Yak. It’s easy to cut off a willing human’s hair. A Yak, being a wild animal, would most likely put up some kind of fight. Though human hair would look more realistic, once the difficulty of acquiring the hair is taken into consideration, Yak hair prices would increase due to hazard costs.
If I had to choose one, it would be human hair. Why, you ask? Whitney Houston said it best: “Yak is wack.”
This weekend, I had the pleasure of patronizing the annual “Knotts Scary Farm,” the Orange County Mecca of Halloween Entertainment. It’s the home of numerous haunted mazes, roller coasters that seem to go faster in the moonlit sky, and the stomping ground of a teenaged trollop who didn’t bring enough cash for a soda.
